WWTDJD?

For those of you religious zealots that bore the ultra-faddy "WWJD?" neck lanyards and adorned your modus transportus with similarly expressive bumper stickers, this is not an article of faith. Unless you are a member of the Buckeye Nation!

With four weeks to build anticipation for the Bowl de Mas Grande Fiesta (excuse my crude hack on Spanglish), I expect a multitude of inspirational moments. I suspect my insane obsession with The Ohio State University will undoubtedly rile the Weis-ians out there. Brady Quinn, yippee. Touchdown Jesus, well now you're talking! Which brings me to my point...

"WWTDJD?"

What Would Touchdown Jesus Do?

In these decrepit times of political scandal, war, rising crime rates, and the reunion of Dave and Oprah, I often turn to a higher power for guidance. I was born and raised in the Midwest. I am Catholic. Naturally, when I breakdown pre-game film I ask myself "WWTDJD" when AJ Hawk drops into weakside zone defense and Bobby Carpenter stunts inside? I think I'm onto something here...

When Notre Dame controversially fired a shitty head coach who was, by all accounts, a good man, I think the administrators collectively asked themselves: "WWTDJD"? I can envision 8 rich, white people standing near the spot where Rudy earned his movie deal, I mean fulfilled his dream (of a movie deal), looking up at Touchdown Jesus and asking for direction and guidance. "Go West" He said. With that, the rich suits looked to Utah for salvation. I'm positive that they were not looking to the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Polygamists for help, but up and coming then-Utah head coach Urban Meyer. Upon further review, there is irrefutable video evidence that Meyer diverted his career south, second down. On second down, the Irish locked up the next best thing. Asking again, "WWTDJD?", Notre Dame called on Charlie Weis to save them from competing for little more than bragging rights in Vatican city.

On Weis' first day as head coach at ND, it is rumored he looked at game tapes from last year. Upon his release from an undisclosed Indiana mental facility, where he was immediately taken for treatment as a result of his nervous breakdown realizing that Willingham didn't know he was actually supposed to recruit players, Weiss stood tall (and round) at mid-field and asked "WWTDJD?". I doubt the answer was "lose to a non-bowl-eligible Michigan State", but whatever He told Chuckles, Weis must have listened. Maybe Notre Dame just has fabulous connections in the AP, but this is serious business so let's not think they were ranked where they were just because they polish the Golden Dome.

Despite losing two games, an instant disappointment, The Ohio State Buckeyes are poised on the brink of salvation. Senator Tressel is in his fifth season at the helm of one of the greatest football programs in the land (with the best damn band in the land) and so far, so good. Following a 2001 loss in the Outback Bowl, the Bucks have turned it around going 3-0 in their last three bowl games. 2002 National Champions. 2003 Fiesta Bowl Champions. A third BCS Bowl in five seasons. A 4-1 record against "that team up north". Aaaah, Woody would be so proud.

Charlie Weis doesn't have much room for error in the head scratching department, so I am sure that he will spend his holiday season asking "WWTDJD?".

AJ Hawk, Troy Smith, Teddy Ginn, Santonio Holmes, Antonio Pittman, and Bobby Carpenter. It just feels good knowing that they are on our side.

Of course, Notre Dame has Touchdown Jesus.

"WWTDJD?"

Lose...



Go Bucks!