Women Make Holidays Possible

The Vixen has out done even her high standards this year. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care and my checkbook says loudly "Santa will definitely be there!" Seriously though, as I look about the Mummy household, I am in awe at the amount of time and sincere dedication that my beautiful wife puts into the little things that make all of the difference. However, it leads me to wonder: What would the holiday season be like if men were in charge?

Nothing would look nice. The trees would be pitiful. Imagine how much (read: little) detail would go into anything related to decorations. Could you envision a man spending two hours making a gingerbread tree or meticulously filling molds to make chocolate candies? I seriously doubt men could replicate the charm and warmth that make a home flourish in the glow of Yuletide decorum. The worst part about this is, men wouldn't even know. We'd stick out our chests and pat each other on the back while anyone with an ounce of decorating sense prayed for the mercy of our souls.

Essentially, December 25th would be a lot like February 25th, just another block on the calendar.

If it weren't for the tireless dedication of the Vixen, our tree wouldn't look quite so elegant, holiday treats would be store bought, gifts would have far less thought (although the ultra-loud H-3 remote control truck wouldn't be under the tree after Santa came either; the ManChild will haunt my nights and days with that one) and the home decorations would have the tacky appeal of this:

Now, we do have two oak trees that I believe could hold this marvelous chariot of southern charm, but I am convinced the Vixen would never let it happen. (And, for the record, our home looks better than the one pictured above...it didn't come on wheels and it's made with bricks, not help up by them.) However, I'd still love to do it. My neighbors would rather I hung myself from those trees, but I'm not polling them. My buddy, Redneck Steve, would help me right now if I posed the idea. (The visionary tale of the two of us attacking any number of home improvement projects is another long, but interesting, if not humorous story in itself.) Nothing beats a VW Bug trailing two classy, lighted deer suspended between two trees. Well, if you're a man, that is. If you have taste, two things are certain:

1. You are in charge of all decorations, not just the holiday type.

2. You are a woman.

The Vixen did allow me to help decorate the house for Christmas this year. (Note: She did the tree, as pictured above.) As I went about the business of putting out the Nativity scene, placing candles, and "knick-knacking" on shelves and tables, the Vixen covertly repositioned items to tasteful locations and I never knew. I was oblivious to it, but the Vixen and her co-conspirator, the Fairy, had many good laughs at my expense before I caught on. The woman should wear an earpiece to work and talk into her sleeve! I thought I was bringin' it and, the whole time, she was moving it. It all came together nicely though. I have convinced myself that if I hadn't placed the candle sticks on the sewing desk, she never would have put them on the other desk. My misplacement was the key to the proper placement. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Gentlemen, thank your ladies for making your holidays something to remember. And when you go shopping, buy her a gift that tells her how special she is. Buy her something special; put thought into it. Make it come from the heart. Thought and meaning are just as important as the gift itself; make your lady happy - your holidays would suck without them.

And, if all else fails, buy her diamonds. That'll shut her up...