Now that I'm in charge...

Hey, Cindy Sheehan said it, not me...

"It's up to you now."

I'm not absolutely positive if she was talking to me, but what the hell? I don't have anything better to do. So, America, rest easy tonight. I've got the reins.

So, while Cindy Sheehan is "going to take whatever I have left and go home" it will be up to us to make America the country she thought it should be. Herein lies the part I need help with. What exactly does that mean? But, more on that later.

I'm not going to help her out with "wondering why I'm killing myself and wondering why the Democrats caved in to George Bush," as I can't rightfully answer that. Quite frankly, I'm not expecting any takers on that one.

I think that we should all just...well, that's the thing. I don't know what we should all do. I don't know how to ask people to sacrifice their 29-year marriages to protest (again, her words, not mine). Protesting, after all, works so well. Wake up, America. This isn't 1959 anymore. People barely brake for little old ladies with walkers, do you think they'll do a double take on your placard?

So, with the official resignation of Cindy Sheehan from whatever self-appointed post she has clearly passed, in a most ambiguous manner, on to me, I assure you I will do my best to uphold the made-up duties of this self-created, self-appointed, self-proclaimed leadership position over no one and nothing that I now dubiously endeavor to serve faithfully until...I quit and "take whatever I have left and go home."

Whew! Are you still with me? OK, now we have to discover the America she said we should be.

You! Start with the Democrats!

You! No, you! Yeah, you! You start with the Republicans!

I'll start with the Mexicans, you get the pelicans, and you can check the Canadians, eh! Maybe between us, we can start to weed out this America we're supposed to be. Don't be afraid to sacrifice, but most importantly be ready to "want it." She said that was the key. She said we had to "want it." She said that she couldn't make us "be that country unless you want it."

Yeah, I still don't know what that means, but I'm in charge.