You're not in...

Alabama anymore Toto...

Or is it Kansas?

Well, Kansas is precisely where I am now. I am not dead. I am not an imposter.

I'm baaaaaaaack!!!

That's right folks! The man without a plan is back! I am here to dazzle, thrill and amaze. Well, myself perhaps.

It is not quite as flat as it looked in the Wizard of Oz though. I haven't seen a single green witch and only 3 dwarfs. I'm not even sure if they were authentic, or just posers trying to get a little fame on PI. I will, however, keep an eye peeled for that Betty from the East. She surely was a hotty.

The tornado dropped me in Manhattan, Kansas. Why the "Little Apple", you might ask? Well, my sweet, dear old Uncle Sugar made me an offer I couldn't refuse. So, here I am, driving through the home of the Kansas State Wildcats (or some kind of crazy grey and purple cat that I don't even know is anymore real than that cowardly lion) with my Ohio State paraphernalia plastered all over my car when it occurred to me. These people might not be over that little tussle in Tempe. Surely you all remember the 2004 Fiesta Bowl. I know you watched it! Admit it! Anywhoozie... So, it takes all of about a day for a waitress to walk over to my table and ask if that's my SUV with the "Ohio State stuff" on it. Now, brace yourselves..."stuff" is technically defined as one magnet on the tailgate and a National Championship vanity plate on the front bumper. Out of everyone in the restaurant, she just randomly picks me? I just looked up like I had a sign on my freaking head. As it turns out, she was from Columbus, Ohio, so it wasn't a big deal. Her thinking she could stand there and bore me with "have you ever beens" was enough to make me start trying to slice my wrists with my butter knife. Eventually, she went away.

As it turns out though, I have an accent. Not one that I drug along like a pesky little brother, but a (and this isn't me talking here) "New York" accent. That's what the Kansasinianites are telling me. That's pretty peculiar to me. I only went to New York one time and that was for Woodstock in 1994...and I'm sure I left more brain cells there than I left with. So, where does one mysteriously pick up this accent? If anyone can figure this out, please let me know.

It's good to be back!